Tuesday, January 25, 2005


Yep - this is exactly what I need... Last 3 weeks
have been most taxing on my mind... Still reeling
under its after-effects. Does'nt look like I'm gonna
find solace anywhere. I don't know if I'm angry,
foul, bitter, mad, insane or a mix of all these...
Whichever is more destructive...

I don't want to lose a very close friend of mine.
But whenever I talk, I end up pushing that person
more and more away from me. I MUST stop
doing that. Making a vow right now not to do
anything from today to upset that person and to
do everything I can to get things back to where
they were a month ago...

I've been talking to 2 of my close friends during
this tough period...
"You're an amazing guy dude. Just hang in there..."
"You're the people's champ man... don't give up..."
Thanks for being there for me...

Its so much of a self-confidence thing. Being turned
down twice, I don't have my confidence anymore. I
need all the support I can get to have my self-confidence
restored... I can summarise what I'm feeling right now,
with this...

"I may be an amazing guy, but should I take a print-out
of it and hang it around my neck?!"

Huh... Well then, as they say, "you can't have it all..."

So nevermind the darkness
I still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain

Monday, January 17, 2005

XOR blocking in assembly

This following piece of text can be considered an absolute junk,
if you ask me in the current state of mind... On a normal day, I'd
go on about how the linux kernel dynamically chooses the
fastest xor computing functions, how memcpy is implemented
in assembly to be fast... Right now, I'm not in the normal
days of my life...

__memcpy__(void *dest, const void *src, size_t bytes)

__asm__volatile__ (
mov ecx, $bytes
mov edx, %(dest)
mov eax, %(src)
rep stosb


Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Fallen angel

Could it be it's the end of my world?
All the things that I cherish and love
Nothing left but to face all this on my own
'Cause I am the chosen one

All my hopes and expectations,
looking for an explanation
Coming to the realization
that I can’t see for sure

Old at heart but I'm only 21
And I'm much too young
To let love break my heart
Young at heart but it's getting much too late
To find ourselves so far apart

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

I know it's easier to walk away than look it in the eye
But I will raise a shelter to the sky
and here beneath this
star tonight I'll lie
She will slowly yield the light
As I awaken from the longest night

you insist that the weight of the world
should be on your shoulders
there's much more to life than what you see
my friend of misery


Okay - read a really wierd quote about thinking positive...

There's something positive in each and everything you
encounter in life. Even a stopped watch shows you the right
time twice a day

Whoever thought this up might have had either of these 2...

1) no money to buy watch batteries
2) a solar powered watch while he was imprisoned for life in a dark dungeon.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Strangely contented

Nowadays I feel strangely contented...
The usual feeling of frustration and the helplessness
is almost gone... I say almost - I'm being careful
here. Did'nt ever cherish having those feelings.
I have always found myself trying too hard, and
in most situations, I end up thinking I should'nt
have had.
OK... now that I'm feeling "strangely contented", I'm
tempted to delve into what brought this welcome change.
"Yo moron... you're in a peaceful, contented mood... why
bother what caused it... its not something unpleasant that
you go to depths to root-cause it..." says my inner voice.
For now, I've taken its advice and have gone on without
thinking about it...
Everyday I grow wiser in this world that is quite
demanding on a human soul... In this ever dynamic
place, I seek a small window of time where I can stop,
and take a snapshot of this part of my life...

Monday, January 03, 2005

Persistent Reserve-In

Its funny how somethings happen at the very
moment that you don't want them to happen.
And it keeps repeating... from a trivial thing like
getting drenched in rain when you dont carry a
jacket... to a more dire situation like a past ghost
from your life springing a surprise on you, when
you seem to have forgotten all about it.

How do you brace yourself up for these things?!
There's no way, apart from carrying them along
as extra baggage.

Sometimes I so wish human memory was volatile
with only those things that are required to get the
job done... But what the "job" is - its LIFE itself...
Every little thing that we hold in our memories will,
in some way or the other, influence how the "job"
gets done...

Oh well, I've goofed enough on my job - gotta get back
to work... :-)


Huh - the second day of this new year...
Its the last day of the 10 day long
vacation. After having got my brains rusted
sitting at home, I'm glad that I can go
back to office tomorrow!

After I suffered the massive 10G hard-disk
crash, last year, my music collection had been
reduced to bare essentials. I decided its time to
set it right. So, off I took my lone survivor 40G
hard disk to Manu's place. His comp, after much
complaining and countless reboots, finally showed
up my disk. I took everything I could from his comp.

Today I spent almost 4 continuous hours, listening
to great music, and re-organising my new collection.

Open your heart, I'm comin home...